6 Things that will really help you retire early

I just read an article about 9 things people do to retire early.  I figured I would write some truth here, because the chances are you are not going to retire early even if you follow that advice.  (although, it probably won’t hurt)  The advise I will give here is not easy to follow, may lead to a shallow meaningless life, but if you really want to retire early, here are some good ways to do that:

1.  Have a lot of money

Yeah, you actually have to have a lot of money if you are going to retire.  Because if you’re not working, you have to pay the bills.  So, you need to have a lot of money.

Having your own business is probably the best way to accomplish this.  However, you need to make money by offering a service or product that people want.  So yeah, you have to make a lot of money.  Selling the business is usually a good way to get set up financially.

The other way you can earn a lot of money is to get a really good paying job.  Maybe you could be a sales person or an executive.  But, if you are an executive, you probably won’t want to retire early because your ego will make you want to keep climbing the ladder so you can make decisions that effect thousands of people’s lives.  In some cases, you’ll make bad decisions and people won’t like you. But the goal is to make a lot of money, and execs typically make a lot of money.

The easiest way to make a lot of money, however, is to just inherit it.  This works best if your parents are loaded.  All you have to do is not screw up and blow it all away.  Most of us don’t have this situation.  In that case, you should look for people that are old and loaded and have no offspring, or old and loaded and despise their family.  That works too.

Of all the below suggestions none of them work unless you follow this first rule: To retire early, you need a lot of money.

2.  Don’t have Kids

Kids really screw up all your plans.  Not only are they a big money suck, they are a huge time sink.  Imagine all the time you could be spending making your business better and earning money without taking care of kids!  But instead you’re taking care of a sick child or wasting your time coaching soccer and making false statements like “Every kid is special” and “we’re all winners”.  Blah.  Kids are really going to screw up your retirement plans.  There’s also college expenses and the emotional toll it takes.  They’ll probably cut short several years of your life as well.

If you have kids, keep in mind that if both parents want to keep working you’ll need to factor into account child care costs.  Man, that is not cheap.  On the plus side there are tax benefits, but IMHO, they are not worth it.

3.  Don’t Go to College

College costs too much money and the degrees aren’t going to help you do a job.  All college does is say to some future employer that you can start something and then finish it.  So instead, start some other big project and finish it.  That looks cooler than a lame degree anyway.

If you get a degree, you’ll be lulled into trying to get a job with a behemoth corporation.  They’re going to pay you a comfy wage, but they’ll never make you rich.  If you want to retire, you have to have a lot of money.  College doesn’t help.  College puts you in debt.  Debt makes so you won’t have a lot of money.  You need a lot of money to retire.  If you forgot that, see rule 1.

4.  Don’t get Caught breaking the law

Chances are if you earned a lot of money you somehow cheated on your tax returns or in some way wronged another individual.  Most people that are super wealthy are probably doing something illegal, because this wage gap is totally criminal.  Now if you get caught, you’re going to have to pay a lot of money and then the authorities might come after your other rich friends and try to take them down as well.  So you have to stay clean.  Invest in aliases, false passports, and swiss bank accounts.  Also, probably better not to trust anyone that doesn’t at least have as much money as you.  Lawsuits cost money, so don’t get caught.  You need lots of money to retire.  See rule 1.

5.  Stay Married

This is going to be hard on you, because if you have a ton of money you’re going to think everyone is going to throw themselves at you.  Now I’m a moral person so I’m not going to talk about how you have to make sure your wife does not catch you cheating on her, instead I’m going to tell you to just do the right thing and don’t cheat in the first place.  Your wife/spouse is your partner in this whole retire early thing.  With the two of you working and no kids, wow, the sky is the limit.  So stay true, its more fun to enjoy early retirement with someone.  If you don’t think you’d enjoy being retired with your spouse, you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.

But there are all kinds of good things about staying married.  Two incomes can really help you both do it all together faster.

6.  Know when to quit

Warren Buffet’s big flaw was not knowing when enough money is enough money.  He just kept going and going because that’s what  made him happy (and still does make him happy).  So if you’re job makes you happy then why do you want to retire early?  Chances are if you like what you’re doing, you won’t retire, so its better that you don’t like your job very much and that you have nothing vested in the people who give you money.  This is kind of tough.  I don’t have an answer on how to do that, but at some point, if you want to retire early, you have to retire.  If you retire at age 70, that is not retiring early (though some 70 year old people would be thrilled if they could retire).

I hope that helps you understand better on how to retire early.